My amazing ship sisters.
Well, it has been almost a year since my last post and oh what a year it has been. Looking back I really wish I was better at keeping people up to date with all that goes on, but I think it is hard for me to pause and leave the here and now. I find I handle this life style sometimes better by compartmentalizing it. I have no idea if that makes sense or if you will understand.
There are so many highs and lows to living abroad and serving. I absolutely feel blessed with my lifestyle, but if I am honest there are times where I am absolutely homesick. I cannot even think about the weddings, birthdays, holidays, births, friends and family I am missing sometimes because my FOMO (fear of missing out) is too great. The funny thing is that when I am away from the ship I have those same feelings about my life on the Africa Mercy. I am constantly torn between my two loves. So, I think that is part of the reason for my lack of updates. The other reason is this....I struggle to even find the words to explain my life and how I am feeling sometimes.
I wonder constantly how do I tell people back home what it is like to live on a ship and work there. What it is like to live with people from 35 different nations; the different cultures, languages, ideas of how to live and work. How do I tell people what it is like to constantly be with people; to constantly see those that you work with, live with, go to church with, shop with, stand at line at the bank with. Then of course the sights I see; the patients that make you jump for joy or break your heart, the lives changed, the hope found, or those that hear we cannot help and the despair in their eyes.
Then there is my heart and the journey it has been on these past two years. How do I explain the work that has been done there and the changes in who I am. I am still the loud, crazy, unique Nicole, don't worry. These past two years though have been almost like living with a giant magnifying glass revealing the good, the bad, and the ugly of me. I am not the same person I was the summer of 2012 when this journey began. In many ways I was a very broken person at that time seeking for answers and joy.
My heart has been shown how to truly forgive and love. Often in life I would choose to play the victim and make the excuse "well life hasn't been easy, so things are owed to me." Or I would go to the other extreme of acting strong and as if no one could touch me. I would roll my eyes at people's attempts and laugh them off. Of course later I would hide away with tears in my eyes, but to show weakness was something I did not respect in myself or other people. I quickly would look down on people or see them as unworthy of love due to my not respecting them. Yes, I know these are ugly traits, but they are the truth of where my heart was at.
The Lord these past two years has slowly chipped away at the pain, the bitterness, the pride, that resided in my heart. I have spent many hours in intense prayer working on true and complete forgiveness. I have sought out forgiveness from those I have hurt. I have seen relationships restored and the power of God's redemption. My heart is full of more compassion and love. I look back at the past and it no longer has the hold it use to. I see everyone was just trying their best in a broken world and family. None of us knew what we were doing, we all had broken hearts and were just trying to get to the next day.
I have also seen my strengths and weaknesses in the working world more than ever before. Working in an organization and community like this is actually what I was made for. I thrive here and have a joy and energy that others can see. I have grown as a leader and have learned that I actually feel alive when preaching or public speaking. I love teaching and coaching. And it has become very apparent that I love youth work. I get super excited for youth group every week and if anyone asks a question somehow I am telling them about the organization Young Life or other youth activities.
So, that all being said here is the update on Nicole's life:
My work with Mercy Ships will be coming to an end early November. I have loved every second and I could not imagine life or my heart without this experience, but I just know with my whole heart that the Lord is asking me to return home for now. There is other work for me to do. This is for sure not closing the door completely, I could see myself coming back at some point. Never say never.
My heart loves youth work and misses it. I feel the Lord is wanting to direct me back, and maybe even go further with it and with more responsibilities. Who knows where exactly and in what way, but I am trusting Him with all of that. I have been applying to some organizations and we will see what will come. I do feel that my life is meant to be served in ministry/missions in one way or another. So, this will not be the end of a crazy adventurous life.
The wonderful, beautiful, and talented Hannah Palmer graduated from the Academy on board and I am so proud of her, who she is, and the amazing things she will do. It was a blessing to be her youth leader and friend. I loved out dance parties and girl talks, can't wait for some more stateside.
The Africa Mercy youth group enjoying some worship time on Deck 7
So, I am going to live up these last couple months. Currently I am enjoying the unique privilege of living in country, Cotonou-Benin. I live in a house with a team of 10 of us (3 Dutch, 2 American, 1 English, 1 Togolese, 1 Sierra Leone/Guinean, 2 Beninese+their cute daughter) as the Advance Team. We are here preparing the way for the ship to arrive late August. I have been doing many interviews for 200 local workers to be hired as part of the HR element. Along with that comes other meetings, searching for sites for our clinics, building up info for a crew book, meeting other missionaries who live in country, and learning the culture. The days are long, the work is hard, but do not worry we have our fun. This country is wonderfully welcoming and has so many amazing places to visit and check out.
Most of the Advance Team enjoying the lovely African treat of FanIce in our lovely home.
In August when the ship arrives I will return to my old post for a couple months as the Human Resource Assisstant Manager, Housing Coordinator, and General Crew Facilitator. I love my work and I love the crew. The Lord brought me to the ship to the serve the crew members from around the world. I have the wonderful privilege of meeting all those that come on board. Housing does come with it fun share of hardships, but it is a challenge I enjoy taking on. I have learned I am good with people. I love listening to them, counseling, and working on solutions with the crew members and the others I work with. I also am very much ready to start the youth group back up for the new academic year and all the fun times we will have. And I really hope to play some soccer with the younger kids like last year.
I am just really hoping to live every moment I have left on the ship to the fullest. It is a joy and blessing to be living this life and to be a part of this wonderful and loving community.
Thank you to all you that have helped support me. You are all ROCK STARS and I could not do this with out your amazing hearts.
If you are feeling the pull on your heart to help support me financially I am in need of some support for these last few months. Any donation you can send will help. I still need to pay my crew fees and insurance these next 3 months, plus purchase a ticket home to California. You can click on the link to donate located on the right hand side of this blog, under my profile. Thank you so very much. Honestly it humbles me how generous people are. You support me, so I can in turn support the crew with my work, who then in turn support and love on our patients through surgical services. Mercy Ships cannot do the work with out you being a part of our international team :)
No matter what I would love to ask you to come alongside me and join me in prayer support. Pray for the ships time in Benin. For the patients we will meet and the hope and healing they will receive. Pray for our medical staff and wisdom. Pray for all the crew from around the world that will be serving this year. Pray for my future and that I listen to the Lord's guidance and that I really enjoy all the oppotunities he gives me. May I be able to live completely in the moment and not be too focused on what is next. May I find balance. Also, pray for safe travels and my heart upon my return to California in November.
(Grandma, I will be home in time for your birthday like I promised!)
Thank you all and I love you bunches.
My lovely roommates for the Congo field service. Remy (Holland) & Leigh (South Africa) have been amazing friends and have really walked alongside me through the thick and thin. Forever will be my sisters and I will never be able to express how thankful I am for their love and support.
Exploring the Congo and all it's wonderful beauty. Love using ropes to hike and knives to cut through giant jungle plants. Makes you feel like a real explored and survivor :) I do believe one hike all I had was a plastic butter knife...did not help much, so we just army crawled up a hill. Elza was a trooper.
One of the best moments this past year was having the lovely Danielle Greenacre come spend two months on the ship as a nurse. It is always great for old friends to meet new ones and share in life together. She has to be one of the best people in the world and is always ready for a good laugh. I miss seeing her on the couch or the floor of the cabin and telling ridiculous and embarrassing stories. Come back to me and the ship pronto!
Nightly meetings with MEN. Almost every night Moriah (San Jose, CA), Esther (England), & I, Nicole, would have a meeting of the minds to debrief the day, our hearts, and well any sort of ridiculous topic we wanted. Life is just not the same without our nightly tea time, but for now Facebook chats are getting us through being that we are all on a different continent. That's the great thing about the ship, you have friends all over the world, but that is also the worst thing about the ship you have friends that are separated from you by many miles. Thank goodness at least one of them will be near when I move home to help me with the adjustment back.
And last but for sure not least my shout out to the one and only Krystal. She is a Rock Star best
friend and has been my friend from the beginning of this journey back in Texas. She puts up with all my antics and craziness with laughter and a
shake of her head. When starting this journey I was fearful of leaving
friends and wondering if I would ever find some just as awesome....well
the Lord provided me with the perfect partner in crime. She has taught
me so much, called me out on my crap, and is loyal and loving. Also
there is always an adventure just around the corner with her...I mean at
the start of the day above I never thought I would be kissing a
crocodile....so that says something about this woman's adventurous
spirit. Oh and we both turned 30 this year, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH YOU OLD
LADY YOU!
